She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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