I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
