You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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