I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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