Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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