Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
