I wish my penis had an off switch
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
