My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
