The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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