The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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