she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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