feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
