her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
