I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
