my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
