one two three fourrrrnication!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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