she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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