i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
