is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
