it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
