I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
