Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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