Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
