We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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