I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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