I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
