we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
