I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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