someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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