Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
