your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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