goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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