I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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