what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
