i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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