and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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