You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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