sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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