The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
