would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
