mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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