I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
