Will you blow on my dice?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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