I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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