dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
