hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
