he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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