Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize