Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
