big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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