Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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