I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
