From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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