You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
