I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
