if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize