he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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