He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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