im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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