Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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