dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
