how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
