Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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