Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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