Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize