The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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