the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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