When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Michael Bay diarrhea
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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