we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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