due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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