i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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