Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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