I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
