I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
