I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
